Where the name t.a.i.l. came from is a long deep story about growing up as a young adult unknowingly struggling with mental illness, eventually being officially diagnosed as bi-polar disorder. In the beginning stages of my first manic episodes along with a mix of frequent recreational drug use and an introverted personality. I would often go home before everyone else to work on my writing. I had a big idea I thought. It was an obsession. I was going to do big things. I was going to change the world. Usher in world peace. I just had to write this book to explain it all. That was it. I understood reality on such a complex and complete level. If I could share my deep philosophical insight with the world it would make the world a better place. If everyone knew what reality was and what its inner workings were, we would usher in a new age of world peace. I was ambitious to say the least. The funny thing now thirty-five years old and much smarter and wiser than I was then, and now being stable having taken medication for a decade. If I take a look at what it was I was trying to actually write was not original but more of a rewrite. I was trying to rewrite the bible.

Multiple chapters on what life is, who I am, and who we all are. Why we should be good, and what are the ways to be good. How love is important. From genesis to what the prophecy of the future was going to be. None of it was ever close to completed and I was writing all sorts of pieces at different times all over the place. Sometimes high on cocaine, an ADD amphetamine we called DEX, mushrooms, or sober in the hypomanic stage to full blown manic stages. In the end through all of it my intentions were always deeply genuine. I was always and still am very bothered at how unhappy and often miserable so many people appear to be. Even through my insanely intense mood swings dealing with bi-polar disorder I’ve always been able on a fundamental level to be an overall satisfied and happy person. I wanted to help people and the world, and still do. I wanted to put an end to war, violence, abuse, hate, and overall human unhappiness.

When I was sixteen in catholic high school I finally fully acknowledged I didn’t believe any of this stuff anymore. Every once in a while, hanging with some friends we would delve into “The philosophical” conversation about how weird all this really is. Like how it doesn’t make any sense how this is all even happening at all. Those conversations always put my mind in a state I loved and would often obsess over and it wasn’t until I started hanging out getting drunk with random people outside of school in the park at nights where I met someone that told me there is actually a name for it and a whole bunch reading to be done on the subject…. Philosophy. Sleepless drug induced manic nights left me writing about how existence came to be. The summary is that there is a hole in nothingness. Nothingness and infinity existing at the same time creates and maintains the energy that is all of existence. How on a fundamental level we are all the same thing, the same being. The I that is you is the I that is me. God is everyone and everything therefor I am god, you are god. Experiencing our self forever in eternity. In all my random bouncing back and forth from subject to page to paragraph to insight it always came back to the hole in nothingness. This would be the title of the book but haha with a twist! I will disguise it creatively using a thesaurus. Hole can also be Asylum and nothingness can also be limbo. t.a.i.l. was born.

Mix all these things together with my anti-establishment mentality, the desire for real change, and influences like Nirvana, Sweatshop union, rage against the machine, Flo-bots, Tu-pac, immortal technique, and countless other artists with amazing music, or amazing music mixed with social and politically conscious lyrics. I ended up selling weed to avoid being a slave to the man and trying to start a record label. The bi-polar manic episodes followed by huge low points eventually crashed all my hopes and dreams over and over again over the course of 5 years until I decided I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to take one small dose of an antipsychotic every day. Progressively my life started coming back together progressing positively year after year. My insanely uncontrollable desire to be creative never goes away. Nor has my interest in having something to say, create music, visual art, and run my own independent creative label. t.a.i.l. will be a part of me until the day I die. I don’t care if anyone notices it or I become world famous because of it. t.a.i.l. is the truly independent creative business that I will run until the day I die. If I make zero to the sky is the limit dollars, I will never give up.

This is the story of t.a.i.l.

The Asylum in Limbo.